Why does it feel like the topics of perimenopause and menopause are taboo, and are not to be openly discussed?
Most people have no issues talking about periods, pregnancy, infertility, and disorders such as endometriosis and polycystic ovarian syndrome – and yet, not many seem to be talking about the two great ‘pauses’ happening in our lives.
Perimenopause is a whole different animal in itself, and is a term that some women have never even heard of. The loose definition is: “Meaning around menopause. The time before menopause when a woman’s ovaries gradually stop working, and can cause an array of physical and emotional symptoms.” This period of our lives can be just as confusing, if not even more so, than menopause itself.
As I was talking to a friend recently about the emotional roller coaster I feel I’m on some days because of hormonal shifts, I realize that not many women openly talk about menopause and all the crazy symptoms that begin to wreak havoc on our lives. And then I started to wonder – WHY?
Womanhood: Never-Ending “Survivor” Plus “Naked And Afraid” Mixed In!
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I feel like I’m on a never-ending episode of “Survivor” with some moments feeling more like “Naked and Afraid.” I’m just hoping that the feeling of being part of a Lifetime movie isn’t what’s coming next, because we all know how those movies end…
Maybe I’m being a little overdramatic…or am I? Not having a mother to go to so I can ask questions about menopause and how she handled it all makes this more of a mystery to me. Yes, I have doctors I can go to, but that doesn’t always answer the questions.
When my son recently told me he was learning about menopause in his AP psychology class, I told him he should ask his teacher why women have to deal with constant changes their whole lives – periods for 40-plus years, pregnancies, births, breastfeeding, and then perimenopause before menopause comes knocking down the door. While we laughed about it all, the frustration is clear, and I know I’m not alone here.
My boys have already had a great lesson in hormones and will be ready for their wives when they get married. Some days, all they need to do is ask me how I am and I just burst into tears. Why? I wish I knew. I bet they wish they knew too.
So why aren’t more women talking about this? As soon as 2023 rolled in, my body decided it was a good time to start the process. This entire year has been a roller coaster of strange symptoms, moods out of nowhere, exhaustion, and confusion. Some days I catch myself wondering if a particular symptom out of left field is due to perimenopause. And if you ask your doctor, their answer is almost definitely going to be, “possibly” because that’s how crazy this all can be.
I Feel More Normal After Hearing Gabrielle Union Talk About Menopause
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Actress Gabrielle Union recently opened up about how menopause is affecting her life while appearing on “The Drew Barrymore Show.” I know I’m not alone when I say I appreciated her spilling her tea because it made me feel more normal and less alone.
She explained that at age 37, something wasn’t feeling right to her, and her doctor told her she was in perimenopause.
“All of these things, it’s like, no one talks about it. They’d rather just say that you’re crazy, or you’re bitter or you’re a B,” Union said. “And you’re like, I’m a human being and something is going on, and we need to all be very cognizant about that and compassionate with ourselves.”
Barrymore then jumped in to share a recent experience she had.
“I took a walk in the park this morning because I was just struggling so much when I woke up,” Barrymore said. “You just go through an emotional roller coaster, and you don’t know what’s happening and there aren’t indicators there to help it make sense to you so you just do whatever it is you can to be calmer so that you will be better for yourself as well as those around you.”
So if we are all in the same boat, why aren’t more women openly discussing this?
During a recent interview with USA Today, Union shared more of her perimenopause experience. She also said that she’s “just being honest” with herself and not concealing her perimenopause from her friends, family and fans, as well as refusing to be looked at as “defective.”
“We’re all going to go through this, so why would I feel any kind of shame about it?” Union shared. “I feel more shame that I wasn’t as vocal from the beginning, so other people aren’t spiraling when we could have been in community together.”
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Another thought I’ve had throughout my up-and-down journey of perimenopause has been how do any of us get through this alive? And Union shared some similar thoughts she had in past interviews and in her book, “You Got Anything Stronger?”
“I learned that the age women are most likely to kill themselves is in the 45-55 age range. I started thinking of all the people I personally knew who had taken their lives and wondered if at least some of that was related to menopause – and could we have saved some of these people if we talked about this more” she said.
“We’re just so easily dismissed as being dramatic or toxic – and that doesn’t help you get help. That helps you feel shame, and shame is rarely a good jumping off place to heal yourself.”
Thank you to Union and Barrymore for openly discussing what many aren’t! I feel less alone and I’m sure many other women at this stage in their lives would agree.