Mandy Moore is opening up, telling fans what led to the “hollow, empty, isolated” time in her life.
The ‘This Is Us’ star married her first husband, Ryan Adams, in 2009, but the two split in 2015. They officially divorced one year later.
Despite being together for several years, she eventually realized it was “not the right situation by any means.”
Mandy Moore Says Her Parents Influenced Her First Marriage
The 39-year-old married Adams at a young age, which she says was “a direct response to my own parents splitting up, and they had been together obviously since they were like 16 or something, and I was so heartbroken.”
“I believe[d] that I found myself in a relationship with somebody that I was like, ‘Oh, I can make a family with this person for this person,’” she said when appearing on the ‘Dinners on Me’ podcast. “And it just was obviously not the right situation by any means. But I also think it happened at a time where I was like, ‘I am ready to power everything down.’”
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At the time, she felt like it was “a perfectly appropriate time to get married and focus on this very personal, quiet chapter in my life,” however, it ultimately “just left me in a really hollow, empty, isolated place.”
“It’s so weird because I think back to that chapter, and it almost feels like it was someone else entirely that it happened to because I’m in such a different place in my life,” she said before talking about her current husband Taylor Goldsmith, and their sons, August “Gus” Harrison and Oscar “Ozzie” Bennett Goldsmith.
Now that she has found a new love with Goldsmith, she looks back at her first marriage and asks herself, “’How did I ever do that? How did I ever find myself in that place where I allowed myself to be treated that way that I viewed myself that way?’”
Mandy Moore Opens Up About Her ‘Unhealthy’ Relationship
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The ‘Candy’ singer went on to describe how her first marriage with Ryan Adams left her with “the feeling of belittling yourself.”
“Making yourself as small as possible to make others around you feel as comfortable as possible was something that started obviously at a young age for me and continued through that very unhealthy relationship that I was in,” she said on the podcast.
Despite going through a dark time due to her unhealthy relationship, said that she is “grateful” for that time in her life because it helped her find her current husband.
“I can’t even put myself in those shoes again, it’s strange,” she added. “I’m so grateful for that experience. I’m grateful for all it taught me and where it brought me and ultimately it led me to finding this incredible partner.”
Mandy Moore Accuses Ryan Adams As ‘Psychologically Abusive’
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This is not the first time Moore has opened up about her first marriage as in 2019, she was one of seven women who came forward and accused Adams of being manipulative, controlling, and obsessive.
Adams was “psychologically abusive” and “his controlling behavior essentially did block my ability to make new connections in the industry during a very pivotal and potentially lucrative time — my entire mid-to-late 20s,” she told the New York Times.